This was without a doubt the best day yet. We woke up early in order to arrive at
Gikomero around 8am. On this Saturday we
were going to participate with our sister church in a training put on by the
Mother’s Union that was intended for husbands and wives. At this point in our trip, most of ‘purpose’
for coming was over (Eric would still preach at the service on Sunday and we
have many cultural experiences ahead of us, but the English teaching and the
pastoral teaching was behind us) and so it felt like the pressure was off a
bit. We were all excited to spend more
time in Gikomero and to continue to deepen our relational connections.
Not knowing exactly what to expect, we arrived at the new
school house in Gikomero (which was built by the Government in the past year
because of their new initiative called Basic 9 (I think) which is meant to have
every child complete at least 9 years of basic education). We arrived into a room of about 15 men, 30
married women and 10 single women. As
usual we were ushered to the front of the room and seated in chairs facing the
crowd. After introductions, our seminar
began with some teaching in the scriptures from Pastor Charlotte out of
Galatians 6:7-10 and some ‘Family Planning’ (Birth Control) encouragement by
one of the Mother’s Union workers, we were split into 2 groups (boy and girls)
to answer 5 questions. The questions
were:
1.
What problems do you have with your
wives/husbands and family?
2.
What are the obstacles you face in taking care
of your wives and children?
3.
What is the role of the husband in keeping
harmony in the home?
4.
What is the role of your wife for bringing
harmony?
5.
Do you think Family Planning is a good idea?
We were sent off in separate groups to answer these
questions and we were all fascinated to hear their answers and get a clearer
picture into the lives of our Rwandan brothers and sisters.
Their answers blew us away.
I was expecting answers about how the cows caused a problem at home when
they wouldn’t milk or how the untethered goat caused an argument when he got
away again… I’m not sure why I expected
such different answers…when we look at one another and when I see they way
these people live, their lives seem like they are so different from ours – it
seems at first glance like we have very little in common. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Rather than hearing stories about a life that
sounded different from mine, if I had closed my eyes and heard them speaking in
English, it could have easily been my own Community Group from Apostles
talking. I was amazed to hear that the
problems they face are the exact types of things that we struggle with in our
marriages and families here in the US.
Below is a brief summary of the men’s side of this conversation:
1.
What problems do you have with your
wives/husbands and family?
a.
We have different personalities and that can
cause misunderstanding
b.
I can lose patience if my wife has a friendship
with another man
c.
If my wife cannot complete her daily work, it
can cause tension
d.
If my wife does not listen to what I say
e.
When my wife asks for things that we cannot
afford
2.
What are the obstacles you face in taking care
of your wives and children?
a.
Children don’t listen and pay respect to their
parents (or if they show more respect to their mother rather than their father)
b.
Dads do not have enough time to spend with their
children
c.
Children ask for things that the family cannot
afford
d.
If parents are not agreeing and getting along
well, children will not behave
3.
What is the role of the husband in keeping
harmony in the home?
a.
Providing food for our family is our role and
doing so brings peace
b.
Praying for our families and showing them love
i. If
we do this, we will be a good father
4.
What is the role of your wife for bringing
harmony?
a.
To have good management over the house
b.
Cooking
c.
Taking care of the kids
5.
Do you think Family Planning is a good idea?
a.
Everyone agreed that Family Planning was a good
idea, but I got the sense that they said so because they know it is the right
answer. There seems to be a great deal
of confusion over what Family Planning actually means and why they are supposed
to do it. The push from the Mother’s
Union on this is because many families are so large that they cannot take care
of their children. They encourage
children, but only as many as can be well cared for.
Any of that sound familiar from your home???
After our discussions in separate groups, we gathered back
together only to discover that the women had experienced the very same thing in
their groups. The Rwanda mothers
described to a T the relational struggles that wives and mothers face in their
homes in America. It was just another
reminder to me that despite all of the apparent differences in our lives, we’re
really very similar. We all have the
same sin, we all face the same relational struggles and brokenness, and we all
need the same savior to come and help us love one another well. There was a great time of teaching out of
Ephesians 5 on wives submitting to and respecting their husbands as they do the
Lord and on husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church.
…And then the real fireworks began…
Out of the blue we were directed to turn to 1 Corinthians 7
and for the next 30-40 minutes we received a very detailed discussion on the
birds and the bees and on our responsibilities to one another as husbands and
wives in this area. The lady speaking had
an incredible gift to be VERY clear about what she was saying without using any
descriptive language. Either that, or
our translator was sparing us some of the embarrassment. It was amazing and awkward and hilarious and
helpful all at the same time. Needless
to say, it was going to be a good time in Gikomero that night and we will have
several more children to baptize next year…
After lunch Eric gave a very helpful teaching to clear up
some misunderstanding about the concept of Family Planning. Many of the men knew that the scriptures said
to be fruitful, increase in number and fill the earth. They wondered why they should have less
children if God had given that instruction.
Off the cuff Eric spoke thoughtfully on the fact that God not only
commanded us to be fruitful but also our responsibility to subdue and rule
over. We are to multiply, but we are
called to do it in an orderly, manageable way. We are to do it in a manner in which we can
care for the children we produce.
At the end of our time together, an older man and woman who
had been together for some time but had not been married yet stood up and gave
a testimony that because of the time in this seminar, they had decided to get
married. It was a great moment of joy
and celebration. Much praise was given
to God.
For many of us, despite a few incredibly awkward moments,
this was our best day yet.
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